Finding the Light

Why tiny victories matter when anxiety feels endless

Lately, it feels like a wave of anxiety has washed through my entire body—and I’m not talking for a day or two. I’m talking about months. I’ve been putting off admitting it to myself, hoping I could just barrel through this blip. Spoiler: it’s not budging.

Then spring snuck up on me, and suddenly my calendar was full of social plans. As an over‑thinker, I try to control every uncertainty: How long is “socially acceptable” before I can leave? Will I be interesting enough? Will I look like a loser if I end up standing alone?

Here’s what happens: I go to the event, I prove to myself I’m socially capable… but then the after‑party anxiety kicks in. I replay every conversation, every glance, every pause—wondering what people thought of me.

If you had to deal with these mental gymnastics every time you left the house, would you want to go? Probably not. My closest friends and family know I’ve been wrestling with this, and sometimes I worry they think I’m becoming a lesser version of myself and will bail if I don’t “get over it.”

But all this worry springs from one big fear: What if this spike of anxiety is permanent? I bet plenty of twenty‑somethings worry that one terrible episode means we’re doomed forever.

I’ve had to find evidence and then remind myself that this fear isn’t true. Bouts of anxiety does not equate to a life sentence.

On a morning walk, I asked Dan what he needed me to hear: “When have you had anxiety and actually gotten past it?” He told me about a period of time in his life when his anxiety was so intense it made him physically sick—until friends rallied around him and he proved his fears were just that: fears. Slowly, he learned to trust himself again.

You wouldn’t know it by looking at him now that he ever once dealt with anxiety in his life. Heck, he’s a psychiatric nurse for crying out loud. If anyone knows how to handle stress, it’s him.

But here’s the thing —even Dan, and myself— have periods of times that we struggle. I bet if you asked some of my coworkers or my clients if they thought I dealt with anxiety, they would be shocked. It’s because I “wear it well.” I hide my stress from those who don’t know me intimately. I try to soldier on through every day even though I can be struggling.

I say all this to remind people that you never know who is struggling and if you are that someone who is, I want to remind you, that this is not a life sentence. There are very tangible and real ways to overcome what feels like a mountain to climb. But, you have to be willing to try and practice coping techniques.

As a disclaimer: I’m not talking about clinical cases that require medication; I mean the everyday surges of doubt and dread we all face that can trigger intense anxiety.

So here’s what I am personally trying in my life. Recently I had back to back weekend plans that caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. What did I do? I went to them. I went despite knowing I may feel uncomfortable. I went despite my heart racing and my body feeling horrible. I went despite every inch of my being saying, “Stay home!” I went despite all the thoughts that tried to tell me why I was not safe and why I was no longer in control.

Guess what? Not only did I go, I enjoyed myself. There were moments at both events that I found myself happy and proud of myself but actually said, “I needed this.”

If you struggle with anxiety, you know how your brain wraps you in a blanket of negativity and fear. Finding the light under all that darkness isn’t enough—you have to choose to believe in it. You have to trust yourself more than the lies your mind is whispering.

That’s why I’m collecting wins. Each event, each small proof that I can handle the discomfort, becomes evidence that the worst‑case scenarios aren’t reality. And with every win, it gets easier to trust the light over the fear.

If you’re reading this and your mind is tangled in “what‑ifs,” start small. Show up. Breathe. Give yourself permission to collect proof that you are capable, worthy, and not defined by your fears.

People who deal with anxiety need tools, skills, and education. Here’s where you can begin:

• Try different breathing techniques. Learn box breathing—or, if that doesn’t work for you, practice diaphragmatic breathing (my personal favorite).
  

• Calm your vagus nerve. Read up on how to soothe your parasympathetic “rest and digest” response when your fight‑or‑flight kicks in.

• Take breaks: In social settings or confined places like planes, I go to the bathroom just for mental breaks. It’s a space where no socializing is expected and you can look at your phone or zone out for a few minutes.

• Move your body. A walk before an anxiety‑triggering event helps me settle my nerves. Regular exercise exposes your body to controlled stress, strengthening your ability to handle life’s curveballs.
  

• Lower expectations: Anxiety can be triggered by needing everything to go right and for the outcome to be “perfect”. These unrealistic expectations are harmful and set ourselves up for failure. Lately, my only expectation of myself is “just show up.”

• Practice trust over control. My biggest trigger is needing to control every outcome. When anxiety spikes, I remind myself that surrendering control is its own kind of freedom—and often leads to unexpected gifts.

• Anchor yourself with rewards. Give yourself something to look forward to after the stressor. For my flying anxiety, I pictured the moment I’d reunite with my pet—and it got me on the plane. Last week, I promised myself a relaxing shower and a small gift when I got home from a party. I didn’t end up needing it, but knowing it was there made all the difference.

Everyone’s anxiety journey is unique, and different tools work for different people. Don’t give up on yourself—keep experimenting until you find what feels right. You’ve got this.

Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/blindfolded-woman-with-a-lit-candle-5435267/